It is hard to describe the feeling I have had for a couple of days now. A feeling of guilty of almost depression. I don’t know that it is depression, but such sadness and disappointment. You know the kind you get in the pit of your stomach when you have done something bad or told a big lie and you are gonna get caught.
I learned about a tragedy, not on the scale of tragedy’s when one is rank from 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst this one probably ranks at a .5 to 1, but it was so unavoidable. I mean I feel I have to write to vent just to express my feeling before I forget what they actually are and so that one day I can refer to them or even refer my kids or someone else to them in hopes of avoiding the same mistake.
This so called tragedy is based somewhat in my religious beliefs, well probably deeply based in my religious beliefs, but from a ‘clinical’ perspective (and a doctor I’m not!) it is also a tragedy of relationship, understanding, emotions and risk.
Virginity, sex before or out of marriage and the consequences and effects have been a debated issue since the age of man I am sure and certainly hit constant hot buttons in every political race whether from the “affairs” of the politician or the bills they support. I am not really weighing in on those just expressing my personal sadness at the deflowering and innocence lost of one virgin in the world. The news fortunately is not one of my daughter, but of one that is like a daughter at least in concern.
I understand from once being young the attraction of sex or of the opposite sex and consequently the desire to have sex with them. I do not understand the cavalier or let me rephrase, the direct cavalier-ness of having sex with someone for gaining “experience”. I mean let’s take a step back and look at the whole laws of attraction and the reality of dating, sex and relationships.
First point guys are really turned on by a ‘Virgin’ so experience where does that leave you? When single a guy really wants a girl he knows he can score with, true! When a guy gets married I refer to the previous comment of the appeal of a Virgin! A virgin in today’s world may very well be almost non existent or a faint rose colored class dream; an old fashioned thought, but let’s dissect this a little bit or whether want or care to dissect I have or am. Could I rationalize someone having sex for love, yeah. Is it any different, NO. Could I rationalize a guy who has harmones running rampant, who says well what really changes from before to after, I mean hey if it is rosie or _?_ is there any difference? Well physically probably not, but mentally, relationally, harmonally, WOW it is like tossing a match to a field that hasn’t seen rain in 6 months, that little spark become instiable and hard to contain! Now it is direct at the girl who gave it up or any girl who will until it is satisfied. A world of difference, instead of being directed at the mate God has designed for you.
Second point girls sadly how does experience help you? Let’s all the guys know you with put out? Well putting out in a relationship is HUGE, I mean a big deal, but putting out long term is a REALLY BIG DEAL! The qualification is marriage is the only long term, all other relationships are a guide as to how you will act in marriage; who you like, who has your list of qualities that you want and expect in a guy. Your “FIRST” as we say here in sexual land will make a lasting impression, whether it was a one night stand with an unknown or with the guy you loved it will always make you think, compare and romatacize about all the qualities that person had. Every guy after him will know you hated him for it for one reason or another. However if your psyche is so demoralized to think that you just need to get it over with, with anyone well that I don’t understand? I mean to minimize it to that?
Who am I to throw rocks, I just said it was what guys do and how they think, why is it so different for a girl? Well guys are non emotional, girls have emotions attached to everything, God made us that way, how does a girl let herself desensitive herself to that point.
I have screwed up, I did screw up, but how can I prevent someone else from getting screwed, before God intends them to be?! What is to be gained? I mean I get it, I get it all, but what can I do to let you, you all learn from mistakes, isn’t that what a parent is for? Isn’t that what a witness is for? Testimony? Someone who has seen who will tell what they have seen, lived or observed. Well I have lived, I have seen and I have observed in my own life and others, please Lord let me be a witness and have a testimony for you!
tes·ti·mo·ny – Noun/ˈtestəˌmōnē/
1. A formal written or spoken statement, esp. one given in a court of law.2. Evidence or proof provided by the existence or appearance of something.